This week I have been looking back on my past. I was wishing that some things could have worked out differently. Why do things change? I found myself dwelling in the past, and in things that cannot be changed.

As I was praying about what to blog, the Lord lead me to Philippians 3:3-14

"For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh, though I also might have confidence in the flesh. If anyone else thinks he may have confidence in the flesh, I more so: circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the Hebrews; concerning the law, a Pharisee; concerning zeal, persecuting the church; concerning the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Wow! What powerful verses! We are the circumcision. We are to be living a life that is cut off from the world and cut off from sin. The rite of circumcision was God's way
of requiring the Jewish people to become physically different because of their relationship with Him. We are to have no confidence in the flesh.

Personally, I have always struggled with confidence. When I was in elementary school, a teacher told my parents "Madison has no self-confidence." I thought it was a curse, but now I see it as a blessing from God. Low self confidence has made it so much easier for me to have confidence in Jesus Christ! (Proverbs 3:26)

If you have walked with Jesus for any time, you can point to ways in which your spiritual circumcision results in proof that you are different than you originally were.

"In Him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not done by the hands of men, but with the circumcision done by Christ." Col 2:11

Paul gives us a glance back on his life as Saul. By worldly standards, Saul had all his ducks in a row. I love how he shares his pedigree, so to speak. Concerning the law, Saul was blameless. Saul did not realize he needed a Saviour, until he was on the road to Damascus. (Acts 9)

Each one of us who know Jesus as Saviour, has been on that road. The scales having been removed from our eyes, we recognized Him, the One and Only. But it’s funny how often we can think we don’t need a Saviour in our day to day circumstances. This is where I believe that our spiritual circumcision is so profound. Often, we rely on ourselves, on our past, on our pedigree to get us through. We need only follow Paul’s example of counting all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus.

Without Jesus, our lives look put together on the outside, but they are falling apart on the inside. With Jesus, we can walk with one foot in the world at times. Trying to live our lives for ourselves AND Him.

I'm sure that Paul hated the fact that he persecuted fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm sure that if He could have changed that, He would have. What I love about Paul is that he KNEW who he was IN Christ. Forgiven. Paul was forgiven by the blood of Jesus, and he lived without a guilty conscience. His righteousness from God through faith!

Living in the past can keeps us from our future.
Like Saul, we have to move on. We are forgiven our sins past, present, and future. We have to move forward from our pasts, to our future in Jesus. To know Him!

Sometimes that means sharing in His sufferings. That’s the hard part. I am sure that it was hard for Saul, becoming Paul. Imagine having to come to grips with the fact that nothing in you is worth holding on to. It’s easy to say, but that’s where the rubber meets the road and I realized it is what God is saying to me.

I said I had been dwelling on the past, wishing some things had turned out differently. The thing is, change is hard. This kind of growth is hard and sometimes painful. Giving up me for Him… is stretching me and frankly, sometimes it hurts.

This circumcision done by Christ in me, has made me want to cry out at times. It has made me want to throw myself on the floor and kick and scream at times. Yet I feel His Presence and Know He is with me and I surrender my plan for His, my life for His, over and over again. My parents tell me I am growing up in Him and that they are proud of me. Sometimes I wonder what He thinks. Does He tire of my battle with my flesh?

He hasn’t changed my name, but He wants me changed. He wants me to understand that there is no good thing in me apart from Him. I can look back all I want, with longing even… but apart from Him I am just Madison Proffit, living in Kings Lynn. In Him, I am Madison Proffit, daughter of the Most High God, called to Kings Lynn, England to be His witness, whom He has chosen, to do good works which He prepared in advance for me to do!

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jer 29:11

I want to live with both feet on His path for my life. I want to press into Him and know Him and be found in Him! Yet as I write this fear creeps into my mind, of what will happen next.

Pray for me here, pray for all of us serving here in Kings Lynn. That we would see past our light and momentary circumstances and Live for Jesus while we can. Pray for the people in Kings Lynn to seek Him while He can be found.

“Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.” Jer 29:12

For those of you who find yourselves in the same place that I am, even though I don’t know you by name, I will be praying for you. For those of you who don’t know Jesus as Lord and Saviour, my heart breaks for you. I pray that in His Word, read on this page, you will encounter Him and surrender your life to Him, He is worth it!

“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jer 29:13